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Wolfgang Gartner; The Prince of Pain

16 Sep

Dear Wolfgang,

Id like to start off by saying that since discovering you and your music, my body is slowly but surely beginning to shut down. It really doesn’t matter where i am when your music starts to play, within seconds you have my head banging, my feet shaking and my fist PUMPING. I have had the good fortune to witness you perform live twice, once in Toronto at MOD club and once at Electric Zoo, and from the endless remixes you kept blasting it seems to me that your flow will be worshipped for years to come. Watching your hands molest every knob and dial is somehow more impressive than the blinding light show behind you, especially since that raping and molesting produces some of the most mind numbing raging music that most have ever heard. My only advice to you, is to go buy yourself a pair of good dj headphones. Those backstreet boy style earpieces you have im sure are amazing, but they dont allow you to hear how fucking loud the crowd actually is while you perform. At the Zoo the crowd was noticing you getting upset that they weren’t loud enough, but that wasn’t the case good sir. Your music had people on the verge of collapsing from everything from overdoses to euphoria, you just couldn’t hear it.

You are a revered synth master, a rage machine and an extremely finely tuned DJ. I humbly submit my eardrums to you, noble prince.

- Signed Sincerely, The Worst Guy.

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For my first order of biznatch i present…….RUSKO

15 Sep

Dear Rusko,

I recently saw your set at Electric Zoo and from what I can remember you put on quite a spectacular show. Even though you looked like you were going line for line with vinny chase, and often tried to mask your ADD related fuck ups by hyping everyone up, you had the crowd fucking bouncing. There was one moment when I was right up close to the booth, sandwiched in between a small cuban child and two giggling japanese girls, you had me in the palm of your hand. You were just coming off playing Cockney Thug and were in the midst of building your drop to the Subfocus remix of Hold On, the crowd began to sizzle and the small cuban child was beginning to speak in tongues, while all the while you were bouncing around just as hard as every other coked up New Yorker that came to see you. You ended the build with a nice soft fade and then proceeded to rape the crowd with one of the hardest dub drops I have ever experienced. Good job Rusko. Next time listen to Billy Walsh’s advice before you go onstage.

- Signed Sincerely, The Worst Guy

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